CNCC teams up with data mining company in quest for caver data

By Clare Cotton

In a bid to find out more about who is going down caves and why, the CNCC has reportedly teamed up with notorious data mining firm Dalesbridge Analytica.

Our source inside the CNCC has given Dankness Below unprecedented access into the data collection undertaken when cavers book caves.

The online booking system collects user data via embedded cookies, downloading a backdoor RAT system on to users machines and sending the data back to Alexander Pitch at Dalesbridge Analytica HQ.

The data has allowed the CNCC, in the past, to make targeted Facebook adverts via the “Descent Caving Group” and “Cavers of Facebook” online pages.

Such adverts have reportedly included phrases such as “We send £900 to the Mendips for locks, let’s fund our online system instead” and “Take back pothole”

The system also collects data using a clever survey aimed at users signing up to the online permit system. It includes questions such as “Do you think the CSCC is very bad?”, with possible answers that include “yes” and “yes”.

The software also tracks users locations when they book permits, which has left some users very concerned. One local belligerent was particularly enraged: “I told everyone I did Langstroth Pot through trip. What if they find out I was in Yordas?”

Preliminary statistics have been uploaded on to the CNCC website. Whilst they are done in notoriously unreliable MS Excel, and use pie charts to obscure data, they have confirmed that caving is dominated mostly by old men, which, really, explains everything.