Shocking reports from our undercover journalists have revealed that the Red Rose Cave and Pothole Club, based near Lancashire, is in reality just an elaborate front for a highly active swingers’ club.
The remote location of Bullpot farm provides the perfect setting for the club’s more raucous and sordid activities, the venue has also undergone recent extensive renovation after a 55gal drum of intimate lubricant leaked, ruining the electrical supply.
This hasn’t held the club back however, as soaring membership applications have recently resulted in a new car park designed specifically for dogging, and a 1Gb/s fibre optic broadband connection to allow the streaming of 4K Ultra High Definition pornography to satisfy some of the more forthright members.
Whilst this revelation might be shocking to some, one member (who wished to remain hidden from public view) expressed their surprise that it has taken so long for anybody to notice.“We’ve been leaving clues everywhere”, the member asserted – “Easegill, or ‘easy Gill’ as we knew her, is named after one of our more prolific members, and Wretched Rabbit is named after a favourite club vibrator that we couldn’t get to work”.
Describing further the hidden history of these classic caves, our anonymous whistleblower continued; “‘By George’ is named after the famous reaction of the ladies to one of our better hung members, and ‘Beelzebub’s Hairy Ringpiece’, well, I don’t want to describe in detail but it was the result of a particularly memorable orgy that occured the morning after curry night”.
The member said that visitors probably wouldn’t notice the shenanigans but insisted; “Seriously, for your own piece of mind, never use the members’ mugs”.