Cornwall No Longer Recognised by the BCA

Toby Throttlewank has had a busy journalistic period, as he brings us another piece reflective of the current turmoil in the underground scene.

It is 9 months since a Cornwall caver, going by “the Carbis Bay Crew” declared that Cornwall “cavers” no longer recognise the BCA.

Now, surprisingly faster than anticipated, the BCA has decided to respond: Cornwall is no longer recognised as a caving area by British cavers.

After considering a short guidebook and the contributions of Cornwellian cavers, the national association decided Cornwall has nothing to offer apart for a series of nondescript disused mines.

This news has angered the Carbis Bay Crew, a small club formed by three fathers who needed something to embarrass their children with after Status Quo stopped producing albums.

Their ringleader, Paunchy Paul, declared: “Cornwall has a fine cave and I reject the caving communities utter indifference to our Facebook page. I just wanted to do my midlife crisis a bit differently, and breaking padlocks I’ve bought from B&Q and pretending I’m an access warrior is part of that”.

The club has posted a video of them putting their own padlock on a mine entrance and breaking it in defiance.